APIVEO

Changing the World Through Youth Sports

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Confessions of a Crybaby

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(this blog was previously published on the TeamSnap blog)

I am a crybaby. Sometimes, I cry when I’m inspired or sad. Sometimes, I cry from disappointment or joy. I cried when my high school football team won the state championship. I even cried during an episode of Hannah Montana that I watched with my then 5-year-old daughter.

I’m sensitive, and a lot of things make me cry, especially the things I care deeply about. Tears are an expression of how I feel, and I don’t hold them back. In fact, I recently presented a leadership award to a 9-year-old athlete with tears in my eyes. I had to stop a few times during my speech to settle my voice. I am happy to report that during my speech, not one person attending shouted, “Suck it up, big boy. There’s no crying in award presentations!”

Why is it that that when kids cry during sports, they are labeled “crybabies”? When a kid cries, it seems to be some horrible indication of weakness. What I find most surprising is that the parents are usually the ones that get the most upset and embarrassed when their child cries.coach-comforting-crying-athlete_web

We spend countless hours coaching and encouraging our kids to work hard and give it their all. Before games, we preach about having fun, making an effort and believing in yourself. It’s a fact of life that things don’t always go the way we plan. We will all experience the pain of failure. We won’t always make the tackle or record the strikeout. Throughout our lives, reality will often fall short of expectations regardless of preparation or how much we believe in ourselves.

Why cry? Because it hurts!

I have coached kids between 5 and 12 years old for many years. Each season I have been blessed with a few kids who work so hard and care so much that they cry when they fall short of what they expect of themselves. Here is a conversation I had with our pitcher after he hit two batters and allowed five runs in one inning. To set the stage, our pitcher came into the dugout in tears. His father immediately gave him a stern talking to and essentially, if not literally, told him to “suck it up.” I went over and sat next him on the bench.

Me: “Are you OK?”

Pitcher: (Sobbing loudly)

Me: “Are you tired of hearing that there is no crying in baseball?”

Pitcher: (Sobbing slowed)

Me: “What would you say if I told you that’s a lie? There IS crying in baseball. After all, there’s crying in life right? I cry sometimes myself and I’m a tough old man.”

Pitcher: (sobbing stopped and he looked directly into my eyes)

Me: “When you really care about something, and it doesn’t work out; it’s OK to cry. It shows how much you care. One of the things I like most about you is how much you care. Don’t ever stop caring that much about baseball and what you have to offer to your team. Are you OK?”

Pitcher: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “You can keep crying if you have to, but I need you to finish it up soon because we need you. The game is not over, and your team needs you.”

I’ve had similar conversations with kids from dozens of teams and in dozens of situations. After each conversation the child felt accepted and understood, which enabled him or her to accept, own and grow from his or her failure and frustration instead of hiding because of the fear of ridicule. Failures can be the signposts on our journey to success if we read them, understand them and take action. Pretending failures don’t matter and bottling up the emotions is not the way to build strong and emotionally balanced kids.

I am a crybaby because I care … just like the kids I get to coach.

Coach, STOP that and START this!

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“I’m a volunteer youth coach, however, I don’t coach football, baseball, basketball, soccer or any other sport for that matter. I coach the kids that play them. This is not a play on words; it’s a paradigm shift in the way a youth coach views his or her opportunity and responsibility. STOP coaching the sports played by kids and START coaching the kids that play the sports.” –Brad Jubin, APIVEO

APIVEO Youth Coach START STOP

The Tip of the Spear : : a message of Thanksgiving from Brad Jubin, APIVEO

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A few weeks ago I watched a story on TV about the man who killed Osama Bin Laden. The man who pulled the trigger is a Navy Seal and he is as humble as he is brave. His story was riveting, but there was one comment he made that really resonated with me; in fact, I still haven’t stopped thinking about it. He said that he and his team were the “tip of the spear.”

The “tip of the spear,” it’s not an uncommon phrase; especially in the military; but it is such a powerful statement. When you think of a spear, the tip is the leading edge. The tip is the business end; the point of entry; the focus. It’s safe to say that leadership is the “tip of the spear” in nearly all aspects of our lives.

As many of you know, my family and I, along with a few of our friends, founded and run an organization called APIVEO. Through APIVEO, we encourage and equip youth coaches to teach kids about leadership. In addition, each month we celebrate a child that has demonstrated leadership in their home, church, team or community.

APIVEO FamilyEach time we honor one of these amazing kids I get to stand up and share their leadership story with hundreds, and sometimes thousands of people. When it comes to APIVEO; I am the tip of the spear. I am the face and voice of APIVEO. Leaders are the tip of the spear in their organizations, teams and groups. The kids we celebrate through APIVEO are the “tip of the spear.” Our Pastors are the tip of the spear in our churches; our coaches are the tip of the spear in our youth sports.

God gifted me to lead and I am thankful for that. He called me to APIVEO, and I am thankful for that. However, what I am truly thankful for this year is not my capacity or opportunity in leadership; it’s not “being” the tip of the spear…I am thankful for the spear. You see, without the spear the tip would be…well…POINTLESS! My bride Kristy and our kids Madison, and Christian are my spear. I may get to stand out in front and do most of the talking, but without them I would have nothing to say. The tip might be the business end but without the strength, momentum and power of the spear, the tip is virtually irrelevant. Think about it; a spear is not pulled through the air to its target by the tip. No…it’s the spear that carries the tip to impact. It is Kristy, Madison and Christian that carry me and I am grateful.

Most of us will never go into battle with the Navy Seals. But all of us are leaders in one way or another. This Thanksgiving I encourage you to take a minute and think about the spear in your life. Think about the people that look to you for guidance, advice, and leadership…and look back at them with gratitude for trusting you to stand at the tip of the spear.

Happy Thanksgiving friends.

Polish the bright spots in our kids

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APIVEO Silver TarnishWould you throw away a tarnished spoon? Of course not. All you have to do to reveal the luster is polish it. After all, the spoon is not made of tarnish; its beauty and value are only obscured by it. The next time you look at a kid try to focus on the silver instead of the tarnish. That’s the first step in polishing the brightness into our kids. Brad Jubin, APIVEO

Bradyn Swinson : : APIVEO Player of the Month : : May 2014

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Congratulations Bradyn and thank you for Always Playing IV Each Other!

Watch Bradyn’s story on CBS Atlanta

Excerpt from the APIVEO Player of the Month award ceremony;

This evening we celebrate Bradyn Swinson because he Always Plays IV Each Other. There is no doubt that Bradyn puts others first; but he doesn’t do it by putting himself second. Bradyn doesn’t simply get out of the way so someone else ends up in front of him. Instead, he rolls up his sleeves and cares for people; he lifts them up and puts them in places they can’t always go on their own.

Bradyn is a student and baseball player at BEST Academy. He is described by his baseball coach as “his brother’s keeper” for his tireless dedication to the needs of his friends and teammates.  While Bradyn personally excels on the field and in the classroom, he steps up and actively helps his friends excel as well. Bradyn is a leader.

Now I would like to introduce the Gwinnett Braves Manager, Brian Snitker, and Gwinnett Brave, Brandon Boogs, to present the APIVEO Player of the Month award for May 2014. -Brad Jubin, APIVEO

Bradyn’s story will be shared on CBS Atlanta on Saturday, May 31st during the evening sports telecast.

Thank you Gwinnett Braves, Zaxby’s, CBS Atlanta, Ronnie Snitker and Jeff McPhail for your enthusiasm and support. You have made a young man feel appreciated and loved. That’s Always Playing IV Each Other!

Confidence in Sports

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Emmitt IV PictureThis article was inspired by Emmitt Smith.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about youth sports. We talked about the lifelong benefits of being involved in sports as a kid. At one point during the conversation, my friend became very serious and declared that “confidence” was the greatest life lesson he learned through his years of participating in sports. I was truly impressed with his confidence when he said “confidence” and I wanted to learn more about it.

Over the years I have used the word “confidence” countless times and in countless situations. But what is confidence? I know there’s a lot more to confidence than just having “a feeling of assurance, especially self-assurance.” How do we intentionally share the concept of confidence with our kids, so that they can grow up confidently?

Golf legend Jack Nicklaus once said, “Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.”

From the golf course to the gridiron to the executive board room, confidence is built through hard work and dedication to a specific goal. Confidence grows in us as we work toward that goal. A football player is confident because of the hours, weeks, months and years he has invested in his abilities. In the same way, a gymnast wouldn’t have the confidence to attempt a flip on a four inch piece of wood if she hadn’t worked her way up to it through practice and effort. Confidence is built in the same way any skill or talent is honed and perfected; with great effort.

Emmitt Smith is a confident man. He is also the reigning NFL All-Time leading rusher, a Dancing with the Stars Champion and responsible for a flood of tears during his Hall of Fame induction speech. Each of these accomplishments in and of itself confirm that Emmitt Smith is a confident man. But when you look at the effort behind the accomplishment, it’s easy to see that his confidence came from hard work. In his book “GAME ON”, Emmitt Smith said that his emotional speech at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony came after hundreds of hours of work, practice and effort. Confidence is the direct result of hard work. Confidence is the fruit of our labor.

So how do we bring up confident kids? The first step is to stop “telling” them to be confident; confidence is not a feeling that they can simply experience on demand. The second step is to help kids discover their talents and gifts. Then we must enable them to work at becoming better and stronger in those areas. Finally, we should help them find opportunities where they can share their gifts and talents to benefit and help others.

On a personal note: I write articles to share ideas that will help kids learn about leadership and character. This article took me at least 100 times longer to write than it took you to read. For that reason, I am confident in sharing it with you.

This article was previously shared on TeamSnap.